When is Home Care Not Enough?

For the worried children of seniors, this question arises if a parent lives long enough. I’ve encountered the situation twice in my own family, with my mother and aunt, and even with my wife’s family. Almost every time, seniors faced with the option to move into a retirement community, react with hesitation or even hostile refusal. But at some point, living at home is no longer a good option.
The major issues involved in the decision are safety, comfort, finances and social issues. Each of the directors at any of our Veteran First Communities will be happy to discuss these options with you in order to come to a workable solution.  You probably already know that if you are reading this page, its likely time for a big change.
SAFETY: This is the most important issue. When we first began this work, we were helping the son of a veteran look for assisted living after his dad had ended his first round of chemotherapy for stomach cancer. Dad had spent the last 20 years living comfortably in retirement, taking care of his blind wife. And he refused to consider leaving the house.
He had enough money, given his pension and social security check, his $170,000 or so in assets and the value of his house that would be sold. Add to that the tax free income of almost $24,000 per year from the Veteran’s Aid and Attendance benefit (2011 amount) and he and his wife could have lived comfortably for many years and left a fine legacy for the grandchildren.
Unfortunately, while his son was trying to convince him to even consider living in a retirement community, dad suffered a fall as he tried to help mom out of her chair. He fell backwards, hit his head and suffered a 1X2 inch brain bleed. For the next week he was getting blood and platelets in a furious attempt to save his life. By the time this episode was over, mom and dad were living in a Medicaid facility, their life savings had been depleted and the accommodations they were faced with for the rest of their lives was “dreary” to say the least.
COMFORT: One day, get up in the morning and don’t drink anything. Not coffee, juice or water. See how long you can go. For many seniors, the simple act of getting out of a chair may be so exhausting that they simply stay there for a few hours until they have the strength. Finally, when a family member or homecare worker shows up, they can get what they need. But this is no way to live. With the help of the Aid and Attendance income you may be able to afford to have your mom or dad stay in a place where they are looked in on, and tended to regularly throughout the day. What’s more, many of the little things that they can’t do or ignore doing are taken care of. That makes for a much more comfortable lifestyle.
FINANCES: If a civilian wanted an after tax income of $20,000 per year, I would advise them that they need to have about $400,000 saved and invested properly. So getting the improved pension income from the Veteran’s Administration is like having almost half a million in extra savings. Most WW II vets have a savings mentality that makes them hesitant to spend instead of save. But now is the time that they should be using all of their resources to make those golden years pass with comfort and dignity.
SOCIAL INTERACTIONS: In spite of protest to the contrary, most seniors are much happier after a week or two in a retirement community. They may have gone months or years without the kind of social interaction they were accustomed to when they were 60 year old youngsters. Being homebound for hours creates a sense of loneliness that they may even have grown accustomed to. But once they are surrounded with caring staff and a group of their peers, they perk up and start to have fun again. And it’s this type of nourishment that will prolong your parent’s life.
No one likes change, much less someone in their 80’s. But now maybe the time when you have to step up and be strong in order to do what is truly in your parent’s best interests. We’re here to help.